The problem with summer is that all the sweat and sun cream makes children really slippery and hard to catch.
“
| — | Man at bar, talking about his own children. We hope. |
Batman…He’s like a kind-of detective.
“
| — | Eloquent man at bar delivers his florid description of the caped crusader to a friend. |
I once had a few too many on a night out and fell asleep on a pub toilet. When I woke up everything was silent and dark. I thought I’d died.
After a lengthy deliberation, I concluded that I probably wasn’t dead and tentatively made my way out of the toilet. I discovered I was alone in an unlit - and unfamiliar - pub. I looked out of the window to work out where I was and - reading the hanging sign - found it was a pub that I had no memory of going into. I tried the door, but it was locked. Then the alarm went off.
After a frantic, and rather befuddled, search, I found a phone behind the bar and called the police to tell them that I was trapped in the pub. They said they’d contact the key-holder and come with him to let me out.
By the time I was freed it was daylight. The policewoman asked if I wanted her to call my wife to let her know I was okay and explain why I was so late home. I declined.
“
| — | Man at bar. |
Just because it’s well manicured, it doesn’t mean it’s a theme park.
“
| — | Mind literally boggling. Never overhear things at a bar, people. It only encourages fevered speculation and imaginings about fun rides and downstairs hair. |
The Indian Taxi Driver Museum
Man: ...and of course, you could go to the industrial textile museum...
Woman (incredulously): THE WHAT?!?!?!
Man: The industrial textile museum.
Woman: Oh, I thought you said "the Indian taxi driver museum".
